Survive For My Love Read online

  “I’m so glad you’re okay, honey,” her mom said, holding her daughter’s head in her hands. Sara saw her fear, worry, and anxiety all reflected in her mom’s eyes.

  She dropped her gaze to her father. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, his skin sallow, his lips dry. Something in her chest twisted, making her breath hitch. “What’s wrong with Dad?”

  “You didn’t tell her?” Sue asked, accusation in her voice. “How could you let her walk in here without warning her?”

  “I didn’t get the chance. We were running for our lives, and then when I tried to tell her, she wouldn’t stop long enough to listen.”

  “What’s going on? Someone tell me.” Sara tried to keep her voice steady, but it wavered, nonetheless.

  “Dad’s sick,” Sue said, rubbing her hands together.

  “Is it the virus?” Her pulse thundered in her ears as she waited for an answer she didn’t want to hear.

  “No,” Sue whispered.

  “Thank God,” Sara said, letting out her breath.

  “But it’s not much better. It’s likely pneumonia, and it’s getting worse. Much worse.”

  “So take him to the hospital, then. Get him antibiotics, and he’ll be good as new in a few days.”

  “He’s already been on them, Sara, and it didn’t help.” Her mom spoke with such kindness it made Sara weep. “We’ve tried all the hospitals in the area but they are all out of medicines. It’s one thing we didn’t plan for. There’s nothing else we can do but hope for the best.”

  Sara’s head spun, and she grabbed the edge of the pew to steady herself. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t have come all this way, been through so much, and at last found her family just to lose her father. This had to be another dream. A nightmare this time. Soon, she’d wake up, and it would just be her and Dane again.

  “I know he will be so happy to see you.” Her mom rubbed her back, comforting her like she’d always done. The gesture made Sara feel like a six year old again, like her mom’s kiss on the forehead could make all the bad in the world disappear.

  Numbness settled over Sara like a fog. She held her father’s hand and stroked his pale skin with her thumb. She remembered all the times they’d sat on the couch, watching a game together, cheering for the underdogs, whoever they happened to be. She traced the scar on the side of his finger, the one he got the time he’d tried to teach her how to fish and instead just taught her how to hook his finger.

  She rested her forehead on the edge of the pew as the tears came faster and faster, blurring her vision. She was aware of people saying things to her, but didn’t hear a word of what they said. None of it mattered anyway.

  Sometime later, a hand stroked through her hair, and she realized it belonged to her father. She moved slowly, not wanting to startle him. His eyes were open as he smiled at her.

  “Sara,” he whispered. “My sweet Sara. I’m so sorry you have to see your old dad this way.”

  She grabbed his hand in both of hers and brought it to her lips, kissing his knuckles then holding them against her cheek. Her gaze never left his. She wanted to take in every second with him she could get.

  “I’m here, Dad.” Sara took in a deep, shaky breath, which did little to calm the hurricane of emotions running inside her.

  “You should go. You should take them all with you. Leave me. Get somewhere safe. Stick to the plan.”

  Sara shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

  He chuckled. “Well, you’re not coming with me where I’m headed. So, you may as well get going. No need to stick around and watch me wither away.”

  “Stop, Dad. You’re going to be fine. We’ll get help. Maybe the hospitals have gotten more medicine.”

  “I see you’re still just as stubborn as the rest of them,” her father said. “Tell me who the man is. He looks like he’s one second away from passing out from exhaustion.”

  Sara turned to find Dane standing a few feet behind her. She’d forgotten about him as soon as she’d laid eyes on her family. Guilt washed over her for how fast he’d fallen from her mind. She reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him to her side.

  “This is Dane. We met right after the virus hit, and we’ve been together ever since.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, sir.” Dane shook her father’s weak hand.

  “You too, son. I hope you’ve been taking good care of my girl.”

  Dane glanced to Sara, and she smiled encouragingly. Despite their fight, Sara hoped he’d say yes, because it was true. “I’ve been doing the best I can. But you’ve raised a strong-willed daughter, and she doesn’t always want to take my advice.”

  “That’s my girl,” her father said, chuckling then coughing. When the bout subsided, he’d fallen asleep.

  “We should leave him to rest, and we should get some sleep ourselves,” Dane said, his hand on Sara’s shoulder.

  She shook her head. “I can’t leave him.”

  Dane nodded and sat beside her on the floor. “Then I’m staying, too.”

  ***

  Dane rubbed the ache in his neck and tried not to shift around. Sara slept against his chest, her hand still holding her father’s. Soft sounds of breathing filled the tiny space around the pew, where they kept a vigil. Josh and Sue had moved two pews over and were sleeping. Sara’s mother refused to lie down and had fallen asleep sitting with her head on her folded arms near her husband’s head.

  He yawned and rolled his neck. Sleeping sitting up would never be possible in a normal situation, but nothing about the last month had been normal. With his exhaustion level, he could sleep anywhere at this point, anytime it was safe to do so.

  “Burning the midnight oil?” The man’s scratchy voice caught Dane off guard, and it took him a minute to get his bearings.

  “Just can’t sleep anymore, is all. How are you feeling?” Dane asked.

  “Like I’m about to die, which, given the circumstances, isn’t far off.”

  Dane’s chest burned at the notion of having to go through another death. It wasn’t his father this time, but it might as well be for all the emotion and pain stirring up inside him. He’d always thought he’d dealt with his family’s passings well enough, but faced with Sara having to go through it, he felt as if his wounds had been cut wide open.

  “You don’t know that for sure, sir. If you’re anything like Sara, which I’m sure you are, you’re strong enough to fight this and win.”

  A small smile came to his lips. “You like my daughter a lot, don’t you?”

  Dane nodded. He hadn’t had to express his feelings for Sara to anyone the whole time they’d been together. It felt strange and wonderful to share them with her family. “I love her.”

  “I can tell. Who else but the man who loved her would stay by her side in a place where you could get sick?”

  “I’m not worried about getting sick. And even if I were, I still wouldn’t leave Sara to deal with everything on her own. She’s a strong woman, but she still needs someone to lean on.” He tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. “I’d like to ask you something, if I may.” He met the older man’s gaze. “It’s not the best time, and in another world, I would have waited longer.”

  “Get on with it, son.”

  “I’d like to marry your daughter one day, when all of this is behind us and the world is normal again. And I’d like to know I have your blessing. I know you’ve only known me for a few hours, which is why I said if things were different I would have waited.”

  “Promise me no matter what, you’ll keep her safe.”

  Dane fought to keep his tears at bay. He didn’t want to show weakness in front of Sara’s father. He thought about all the times he’d failed at keeping Sara safe. All the mistakes he’d made which had almost gotten her hurt…or worse. He looked down at her sleeping form, cuddled against him, her hand resting on his stomach. He would do anything for her. Anything. To the best of his abilities, he’d keep her safe
from this point on.

  “I swear I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe. You have my word.”

  “Then you have my blessing.”

  They fell into a mutual silence, and Dane thought her father had fallen asleep again. Then he spoke so softly Dane almost didn’t hear him. “One last thing.”

  “Anything.” Dane tilted his head to try and hear better.

  “Take her away from here after I’m gone. Find somewhere better to go. Somewhere you two can have a life together. Don’t let her stay here just because this is where my body will lie.”

  “I will,” Dane said, choking on his words, wishing with his entire being it would never come to that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sara wiped her nose on her sleeve since finding a tissue wouldn’t happen. Her father’s labored breathing encompassed the sole focus of her world at the moment. They’d all woken a couple of hours earlier to the sounds of a terrible coughing fit, and since then, his chest had been making a funny noise with each inhalation.

  Not a good development.

  He’d spoken a couple of times, saying he loved them all before falling asleep again. Whether or not he’d been conscious enough to hear their replies, she didn’t know. She had to hope he had been. At the very least, she’d had the opportunity to say it, to let the words out so she didn’t have to keep them trapped inside.

  Another coughing fit started, his chest caving in on itself with the force of each one. She’d never known a person could cough with such ferocity. His face turned red as he struggled to bring air into his lungs. His breaths were shallower than before, little gasps as the color of his skin faded from red to something less than pale.

  “Go gently. I’ll see you on the other side,” her mother whispered, kissing his hand.

  Tears burned her eyes, blurring her final vision of her father alive.

  His chest stopped rising, and Sara’s world stopped revolving.

  She wanted to cry out. To tell him to “stay, don’t leave me,” but her voice disappeared, wracked by sobs too powerful to allow her to form words. None of this was fair. She’d just found her family, and now she’d lost her dad again, but this time she’d never get him back. As if this new world wasn’t awful enough on its own, she also had to brave it without her father in it, making it a better place.

  Arms enfolded her, pulling her to Dane’s strong chest. She buried her head against him, clinging to his strength, hoping some of it would carry her through this awful moment. As always, he was her rock, keeping her grounded when the moment tried to pull her away into the mist of despair.

  “I’m here. I love you,” he whispered, over and over again as he led her out of the church and into the crisp morning air. He took her to the side of the church where a bench rested under a tree near what used to be some kind of garden. He rocked her in his arms while she cried, letting out everything she had kept inside.

  Sara didn’t know how long they sat there, but at some point, her tears had dried up and her breathing had returned to normal. She lay on the bench, her head in Dane’s lap, just staring out at the wilderness in front of them, out at a vast emptiness of possibility.

  Josh walked in front of her, blocking her view, looking just as puffy-eyed and tired as she felt. He carried a shovel in each hand. Without a word, Dane stood and took one. Together, they wandered into the old graveyard behind the church. Sara forced herself to her feet and inside to where her sister and mother were.

  Hours later, they held hands around a mound of fresh earth and said their good-byes.

  ***

  The next morning, Sara and Dane sat on the front steps of the church, leaning on each other. They’d spent the night inside, reminiscing about childhood, family, and telling stories about her father. They’d shared a meal of crackers, jerky, and freeze-dried fruit, which Sara didn’t even taste. Then they’d all laid in silence through the night, pretending to sleep, but the irregular sounds of their breathing giving them each away.

  “I know it’s hard, but we have to go.” Dane stroked Sara’s hand.

  “I can’t leave him,” she replied, just strong enough to whisper.

  “He’s already gone. But I’m still here. I’ll always be here.”

  Sara sniffled. Fresh tears filled her eyes even when she thought she couldn’t have any more left to cry. “I guess I never knew how it felt for you to go through life and all of this crap without your family around you to support you. I thought I knew because I didn’t have my family, but I always believed in my heart they were still alive somewhere. But I realize how different my situation is compared to yours. I’m sorry I didn’t understand or, at least, try to understand more.”

  “You couldn’t know. It’s not possible unless you go through it, just like I couldn’t understand why you put so much importance on finding your family, because I couldn’t do the same.” Dane sighed.

  They’d both learned more about themselves and each other on this journey. She knew the most secret places within himself he tried to keep hidden. And no matter how much she wanted to hide parts of herself, she couldn’t. He’d seen her at her worse and yet he stayed by her side, still wanting her.

  “I know you don’t want to go, but we have to,” Dane said. “We have to get somewhere safe. We have to get your mom somewhere she can take the time she needs to grieve. You all need to grieve. We have to get to the bunker.”

  “We might go there, but there’s no way you’re coming with us.” Josh joined them. “Sara might have been willing to share with you, but I’m not so nice.”

  “You know, I’ve been in the bunker before. I could find it with my eyes closed and probably quicker than you could at this point, since I made it home for two weeks.”

  “Reminding me of your trespassing isn’t going to make me change my mind. In fact, you might have just solidified things even more for me. I think you’ve already used up your portion of the supplies that weren’t meant for you to begin with.” Josh crossed his arms and squared his shoulders, challenging Dane.

  Sara didn’t care to witness this pissing contest.

  “It’s not your decision to make.” Dane got to his feet and mimicked Josh’s stance, but Sara could tell Dane could grab his knife at any second if it came down to it. No way would she let this argument escalate into something more.

  “Stop fighting,” she said, standing between them. “I don’t have the energy to listen to you bicker or mediate your ignorant arguments. I don’t have the patience to break up your impending testosterone-fueled fistfight. So, knock it off.”

  Sara glared at them as they looked down at her. She might not be at the same height as them, but she stood on the same level in this post-apocalyptic hierarchy. And she would make sure her opinions were heard. “Does anyone care to hear my thoughts on this matter, or am I excluded from these discussions?”

  The boys both stared at her in silence. When she had their undivided attention, she continued. “We should go to the colony.”

  Dane narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw, the exact reaction she’d expected from him.

  Josh, on the other hand, just looked confused. “What’s the colony?”

  Dane looked as if he had already dismissed whatever she planned to say. Well, he could get over it.

  “It’s a group of people who took me in on my way to the bookstore. They have this big warehouse-type building, supplies, and a bunch of people who’ve formed a community of sorts.”

  “Nope.” Josh cut her off before she could say more. “We planned to stay away from the general population. It’s the safest way. We head to the bunker and stay put.”

  “I gotta agree with your brother on this one,” Dane chimed in.

  “You’re still not invited,” Josh said, acting like a two-year-old.

  “You’re still not the only one making the decisions,” Dane countered, sounding just as juvenile.

  “You just want to live underground for the rest of our lives?” Sara demanded, her anger and
frustration levels rising.

  “Don’t get all dramatic and bent out of shape, Sara. You know the plan.”

  “I know it was the plan, but plans change. And I think we need to change. Living alone doesn’t make sense. The people in the colony were nice. They treated me well. They had a doctor and people who fixed stuff and scavengers who went out finding supplies. They had it all figured out, and it worked.”

  “Great. I’m sure Dane will fit in well there while we go to the bunker as planned.” Josh started to walk away as if done with the conversation.

  “I won’t be separated from Dane. And I’m not letting you make decisions that involve all of us. So, let’s take it to Mom and Sue, and we’ll have a vote.”

  They listened while Sara once again explained how the colony worked, what her experience with them had been—even if it had been short—and what it had been like living in the bunker for those weeks with Dane.

  “I vote for the colony,” Sue said. “I think a place where we can settle in with other people sounds kind of good. No offense, but living with family has been trying at times. I can’t imagine what it would be like in the bunker for the rest of however long we need to be in there.”

  “Mom?” Sara asked.

  Her mom looked down at her hands then out the church window toward the graveyard. “I vote for the bunker. It’s what your father had planned for us, and I don’t know what he’d think of this new plan.”

  “I vote for the bunker,” Josh said. “The bunker is a known destination and future. Anything could happen at the colony.”

  “Well, I vote for the colony.” Sara’s voice resonated with conviction. She couldn’t picture herself going anywhere else. She hoped her family would go with her.

  “So, we have a tie. Great.” Josh threw his hands up in frustration.

  “Dane hasn’t voted yet.”