Love or Luxury Read online

  "It was great. Thank you for buying me this wonderful gown and necklace. I don't even know how to thank you for your gifts."

  She smiled at him and took a sip of her champagne. Something about the bubbles made her feel the effects of the alcohol faster, which was exactly what she needed right now. Not that she needed to get drunk to enjoy Reid's company. But maybe if she was relaxed and a tiny bit buzzed, she would be more open to letting herself get swept away by him. Maybe the alcohol could wash away the lingering thoughts of Finn from her mind.

  "The gala wasn't the only amazing thing tonight." He ran his hand along her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Every time we're together, I'm more amazed I have you in my life again."

  "You're very sweet."

  He was handsome, too. In high school he'd been funny, but she hadn't seen that side of him as an adult yet. Hopefully, it would come back soon. She loved men who made her laugh.

  "I'm serious." He cupped his hand along her jaw. "I'm happy I went away to study, so I can help people lead healthier, longer lives now. But thinking about all the years I lost with you makes me wish there'd been another way. I should have taken you with me. Not seeing your face, your eyes, your smile—not hearing you laugh or say my name, it hurt me for a long time."

  Really? He'd never called, or written, or even friended her on Facebook. Had he really been pining away for her all these years just like she had? Well, like she thought she had. Now she wasn't so sure what she'd felt all these years was love or maybe just longing to be loved by someone.

  "The day I walked away from you to go to school was the day I left my heart in the Meadow. When I saw you again for the first time on the sidewalk that day, I felt like I'd gotten my heart back."

  Tears sprang to her eyes at his words. He was saying all the things she'd wanted him to say for years. That he missed her. That he never stopped loving her. That she had his heart completely.

  And yet, she couldn't bring herself to say the same back. Couldn't bring herself to feel the way she'd thought she had all these years.

  "I lost you once, Rebecca, and I don't ever want to lose you again." Reid pulled a small box from his pocket and held it out to her. He opened it and inside a diamond ring sparkled.

  A huge, round diamond surrounded by more diamonds and set in platinum. Stunning did little to describe it.

  "Make me the happiest man in the world and marry me." He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger. It fit as if it had been made just for her.

  She tried to blink away tears but only succeeded in blurring her vision more. A ring on her finger… a proposal from a man who said he'd never stopped loving her.

  And the promise of a life she'd always wanted.

  How could she say no?

  The weight of the ring on her finger made her heart feel heavy as it thundered in her chest. She expected this moment to feel different. She'd thought when someone finally proposed to her she'd be filled with love and happiness and excitement. Instead, she felt a little awkward and uncomfortable and unsure of herself.

  Reid's happiness was clear.

  And yet, she had to force a smile to her lips. How could she say, yes?

  "You've made me so happy, Rebecca."

  He kissed her with more passion than he had on any of their other dates. Finally, a little spark of feeling shot through her, a tiny hint of that old fire she'd seen in him came back to life. Maybe all he needed to loosen up and relax with her was an official commitment. Not that she'd actually given him an answer yet.

  "I need to call my mother and let her know. She'll want to book the club immediately."

  He dialed his cell and was sharing the good news with his mother and father before she'd even found the strength to formulate her thoughts into something coherent. And when he'd put the phone to her ear to be congratulated by his parents, all she could think to say was thank you.

  As she twisted the heavy ring on her finger, more tears filled her eyes. But were they tears of happiness or something else entirely?

  "Who should we call next?" he asked, smiling from ear to ear.

  "I need to go," she said quietly. "This is all too much. I need to let this sink in."

  "But I have more people to tell tonight. I should have asked you before the gala and then we could have told everyone. Don't you want to at least call the girls and tell them the great news?"

  "No. No, I don't want to tell anyone else yet. We told your parents; now can we keep this between us, just until tomorrow?"

  He looked disappointed. "I suppose we can celebrate privately tonight. What did you have in mind?" He pulled her into his lap and kissed her neck, clearly thinking of a way to celebrate their engagement.

  "I need to go home. I think the food was off tonight. I feel sick." She climbed out of his lap and grabbed her coat out of the closet. "I'd rather share our… news and… celebrate properly when I'm feeling well. Okay?"

  "Of course, sweetheart. Let me drive you home." He rose from the couch.

  "No," she said, taking hurried steps to the door. "I think the motion of the car will make me feel more sick. It's only a few blocks; I'll walk." He still hadn't seen her apartment, and she wasn't going to risk him wanting to see her inside to make sure she was okay. No way. The mystery of her crappy finances had held this whole time. It could hold a little longer.

  She may have grown up as the chauffeur's daughter, but she'd always been treated as a Bloom. Somehow, no one had gossiped about her being cut off from the Bloom fortune yet, and she'd do what she had to, to keep up appearances.

  Before he could argue with her, she slipped out the door and fled into the cool night air.

  * * * *

  Rebecca leaned back under her favorite tree in the park, the one that reminded her of her mom, and let the tears fall silently down her cheeks. No point in stopping them since every time she'd tried, more bubbled up from deep inside.

  Moonlight filtered through the branches of the tree, casting a glow around her. The ring on her finger twinkled like a thousand stars in the sky, each twinkle taunting her about the situation she found herself in.

  How had she managed to end up here? And wasn't here exactly where she wanted to be?

  So why the hell couldn't she stop crying and celebrate instead?

  She shouldn't be sitting in the park alone on the night of her engagement. She should be in Reid's arms, reveling in the glow of her shining future with him. She'd finally have the life she always wanted. Wouldn't she?

  Technically, on paper that was true. Reid was everything she wanted in a husband. Maybe he wasn't funny or flirty or around very often, but he was sort of sweet—well, when she wasn't interrupting him at the clinic—and if she counted the extravagant gifts he'd bought her, he treated her like a princess.

  A girl never got everything on her wish list, did she?

  And most importantly, he came with the stability she wanted—the house in the Meadow, the financial freedom she'd been dreaming of, and the life she'd always lived and wanted to keep on living. She'd finally be able to move her father out of his crappy condo and into a wing of Reid's, no, her giant house. She'd be able to provide for him the quality of life he'd managed to provide for her growing up.

  But if Reid had offered her everything she'd always wanted, why wasn't she jumping up and down with excitement?

  She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, imagining what her life with Reid would be like for the next however many years. Thoughts of dinners out with little conversation came to mind first, followed quickly by lukewarm kisses and evenings spent alone while he worked late at the office. Not exactly the kinds of thoughts to give her the warm fuzzy feelings she hoped for.

  Her mind drifted to thoughts of Finn as it did far too often. Cozy evenings spent in front of the fireplace on his cushy couch, kisses so hot they left a trail of steam rising from her body as he explored her, making her feel things she'd never felt before, sunny afternoons spent cruising around on the back o
f his motorcycle—well, once she'd fully recovered from the accident.

  The accident.

  The evening she'd been so scared he'd been hurt. The evening she would have taken down a fleet of nurses if they'd tried to keep her from seeing Finn. Or at least, she would have gone down fighting to see him.

  The night she'd sat by his bedside for hours, talking and holding his hand until he'd finally been released. The fear that if she left his side, something would happen because of his concussion, and she'd lose him for good. She'd never been so scared in all her life.

  But it hadn't taken some terrible tragedy to lose him. Nope. She'd lost him when she'd been too stupid to make sure she was free and clear to be with Finn fully. She'd lost him because she'd been too selfish to listen to her own feelings.

  No. She hadn't lost him. Lost implied she was a victim in all of this. But that wasn't the case at all.

  She'd been the one who'd made the huge mistake of thinking that she could just have her fun with Finn then walk away without anyone getting hurt. She'd been so stupid. And selfish. And materialistic. She was the one who thought Finn wasn't good enough for her and because of that, she'd been too blind to see how wonderful he really was.

  Finn wanted to be with her and had been nothing but amazing. And what had she done in return? Used him as a fling as if his feelings in all of this didn't matter. Why? Because he didn't own a fancy home or run a big business or live in the Meadow.

  She'd been too self-absorbed in her quest to secure a suitable future, she'd screwed up everything with Finn—the only man who made her feel like she belonged somewhere.

  But that still didn't change the fact he never wanted to get married, and she did. Could she ever be with a man who would never put a ring on her finger? Who would never make a lifetime commitment to her and only her?

  Rebecca twisted her watch in circles around her wrist, her mother's words coming back to her as they always seemed to. It's about time.

  A new round of sobs bubbled up from her chest. She cried harder than she'd ever cried before. Life was about time. And what had she done with hers? Wasted it, that's what. Wasted it in the Meadow, waiting for a man she didn't really love. Wasted it by not listening to what her heart shouted.

  Her chest felt like a lead weight crushing her. But she knew what was really crushing her.

  Pulling Reid's ring from her finger, her decision to marry him solidified in her mind.

  Or rather, her decision not to marry him.

  He wasn't the man she loved. He could give her everything she'd ever wanted, except the kind of love she wanted more than anything.

  Finn was the only one who could give her that.

  At least, he'd seemed like he could give her that kind of love before she'd been a bitch and basically told him he wasn't good enough for her. That wasn't the truth at all.

  She wasn't good enough for him.

  He'd been nothing but wonderful to her the whole time she'd known him, and she'd repaid him by telling him he hadn't been good for anything more than a fling. Her chest constricted at the memory of the hurt on his face. The hurt she'd caused singlehandedly.

  She wanted, more than anything, to take her words and actions back. If only she'd thought about all of this earlier, before she'd made the biggest mistake of her life by treating Finn like he was a pawn in some big game then made an even bigger mistake by letting Reid think she wanted to marry him.

  Oh God, he'd told his parents. His mom would be booking the ballroom at the club the next morning. Once she was forced to cancel the booking, all of Meadow Ridge would know she'd turned down his marriage proposal.

  But that was okay because she didn't need the people in the Meadow to approve of her choices anymore. She'd leave the Meadow behind forever if she had to.

  Could she really leave it behind? The Meadow was all she'd ever known.

  She'd lived here as long as she could remember. What would a life in the city be like? It wasn't about designer bags and clothes anymore—she'd gotten used to going without the newest and best since she'd had to start selling her things.

  No. Now it was about her friends, the familiar neighborhood places she'd grown up around. The places she loved. The people she loved. She wouldn't have any of those things anymore if she left the Meadow.

  But would any of them still love her after they found out everything about her situation?

  Rebecca knew the answer already. None of her friends would want to stick around once she was honest about everything. Not after they learned she didn't volunteer at the diner to help the shelter. Not after they knew she worked at the diner because she needed the money to pay a fraction of her bills. That was a life they would never understand, and it would inevitably be the thing that split their friendships apart.

  But Finn understood.

  Wiping the tears from her cheeks, a new resolve settle in her soul. A calm and clarity she'd never experienced before. She could live in the Meadow for the rest of her life, but she'd be living a lie, and she'd never be truly happy here again. This place had almost everything she wanted and loved.

  Except the most important thing of all—Finn.

  He'd already made it clear he was happy with the life he currently had. Now, thinking about spending another night with Finn, she knew she could get used to his way of life, cuddling on the couch in his home in the city—their home in the city—sounded pretty damn amazing right now… if he'd take her back.

  All she needed was for Finn to listen to her—then to take her back. Just thinking of telling him how she really felt made her feel lighter, happier.

  And slightly nauseous.

  What if he didn't accept her back into his life?

  Either way, she had to tell him the truth about how she felt. But before she could do that, she had to deal with Reid.

  * * * *

  Rebecca knocked on the huge front door of Reid's house, praying he hadn't already gone to bed. She knew he had an early day tomorrow, but hoped he'd stayed up waiting for her to come back. After a few seconds of silence from inside the house, she rang the bell a few times and pounded harder on the door.

  She'd wake him up if necessary. This couldn't wait until morning. She had to see Finn tonight, but first she had to be completely free from Reid. Things were messy enough already. She couldn't let an almost-engagement get in the way of repairing things with Finn.

  Reid opened the door. He was still in his evening attire from the party.

  "Rebecca, come in. I've been worried sick about you. Are you feeling better, sweetheart?"

  "Much. But I can't come in." Rebecca squeezed the ring in her fist, the diamonds digging into her palm, then thrust her hand out in front of Reid, palm side up and open. "I didn't get a chance to give you my answer earlier. But it's no. I can't marry you."

  He stared at the ring in her palm but didn't reach for it. "What do you mean? I already told my parents."

  "I'm so sorry. You called them before I even had time to think. I-I didn't realize it until now, but I love someone else." She open Reid's hand and put the engagement ring into it then folded his fingers into his palm. "I have to go."

  The truth felt so good. It may have taken her a while to realize what was really important in life, but now she knew. And now she had to let Finn know, too.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Finn let his head fall back to rest against the couch cushion as he stared at the flickering fireplace. Rebecca had been out of his life for a week now, and he still couldn't imagine what he would do without her. When the taxi he'd called for her arrived, she walked downstairs and out his front door without so much as a backward glance. He'd had no communication with her since.

  Not a single call. Not a single text. Not a single word from her the whole time.

  He laughed at his own stupidity. He'd actually been stupid enough to believe she'd realize he was so much more than a fling and come back to him.

  But she hadn't.

  And he hadn't felt right since
the moment she'd left.

  Hundreds of times he'd picked up his phone, intent on calling her, but instead, he'd just reread their old text messages. He did want to talk to her, but what would he say? It wasn't like he could call and apologize for something he hadn't done. And calling to say, "Hey, have you figured out if I'm good enough for you yet?" probably wouldn't go over so well.

  Best to move on and forget about Rebecca.

  She'd made it perfectly clear she'd never be happy living outside the Meadow. And he'd never make enough money to accommodate the kind of life she wanted to live. He definitely wasn't going to try to be something he wasn't. And he sure as hell wasn't going to let her make him feel inadequate because of his job, his income, or his lifestyle.

  So where did that leave them?

  It left him right here in the middle of his couch with a cold beer and a lonely heart.

  Finn startled at the knock on his door so late at night. He wasn't expecting anyone at almost two in the morning. Hell, normally he'd be in bed by now. If he could shut his mind off long enough to fall asleep, he would. But since Rebecca walked out, he hadn't been able to think of anything but her, which wasn't conducive to sleep. Or work. Or any of the other things he'd needed to get done this week and failed miserably at accomplishing.

  Another knock at the door sounded louder than the first. Maybe one of his brothers had decided to stop by. It wouldn't be the first or last time one of them dropped in late for a beer on the way home. But two in the morning was really pushing it. Of course, an unexpected visit from one of them would actually be okay with him. He could use a distraction from everything—no, just from Rebecca.

  "Hey, bro," he said, pulling open the door.

  "Hey," a quiet voice said back. Definitely not one of his brothers.

  Rebecca stood on his front porch, looking as amazing as she had the other morning when she'd worn nothing but his button-up shirt. The shirt now gripped in her hand by her side.

  "I-um, stopped by to return your shirt. I'm sorry I kept it for so long."