Lost Without You Read online

  “Are we done with the whole ‘get clean’ part of our shower yet?” Chip asked, running his tongue along the outside edge of her earlobe.

  “We’re so fucking clean it’s scary.” She reached behind her back, stroking him while his fingers worked magic on her body. Her climax came quickly, shattering any remaining inhibitions she had with him.

  He spun her around to face him. “Let’s get out of here and to the bedroom. I’ll grab a condom from my wallet along the way.” He started to pull her out of the shower, but she held him back.

  “You don’t need one with me.” She looked into his eyes, knowing the next thing she said might be the thing that sent him packing. But she couldn’t lie to him. She had to share the truth about herself with him. Every awful detail.

  “I know we’re both healthy adults and I’d love nothing more than to be with you one hundred percent naturally, but there’s still the risk of a baby to consider.”

  She shook her head and dropped her eyes, unable to say it out loud and watch his reaction too. Her voice came out so softly she worried he might not hear her over the sound of the shower. “That’s not a risk for me. Another scar. This one isn’t visible, but it’s permanent and absolute. I’m damaged goods.”

  He wrapped his strong arms around her, stroking her back. “No, you’re perfect and I’m going to spend the rest of forever proving that to you.”

  Zoe’s back pressed against the cold tile of the shower wall as his mouth claimed hers. His hands slid down her body exploring every inch of her with a growing hunger that could only be satisfied one way. Wrapping her leg around his waist, she guided him into her, joining them.

  “Wait a second. Didn’t I hear something about Paige and Miles getting condoms out of your bathroom bag when they fooled around during Treasure Trekkers?” Chip asked.

  She rolled her eyes, annoyed to be pausing their current activities to talk about Paige and her brother, of all people. “They did. It was all part of my act. Every woman should have condoms with her so if I didn’t, I might have to answer why. Now can we stop talking about my brother’s sex life and start focusing on ours?”

  “Hell yes we can,” he said, lifting her against him, gaining better access.

  She hooked her ankles behind his back. They moved together as the hot water flowed over them, washing away her past and leaving behind a clean slate for their future together.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chip woke as the dawn light filtered in around the edges of the blackout drapes. He’d been far too preoccupied with Zoe to make sure that the drapes had been completely closed the night before.

  Being with her was better than anything he’d ever experienced before and he wanted nothing more than to stay with her in bed for the entire day … week if he could swing it. But he knew that wouldn’t happen right now. They had a show to finish filming and base camp to pack up. Then he’d be free to steal her away for a while.

  And he seriously couldn’t wait to have her all to himself with no distractions, no obligations, and no other guys around to flirt with her. He might not go back into the office for a month. He could oversee the editing of the season via email, couldn’t he?

  Zoe stirred on his chest, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

  “Morning,” he said, caressing the valley between her hip and ribs. Her skin was soft and smooth and sent his blood flow rushing south. Maybe they didn’t have to get out of bed just yet.

  She rolled onto him, kissing his chest and straddling his hips. Apparently Zoe had the same thing in mind.

  He slipped into her quickly as she settled herself in his lap, rotating her hips against him. “I could stay here all day with you,” he mumbled, fondling her breasts while she moved on top of him.

  “But we can’t do that, can we?”

  “I’m afraid not. We have to go back and finish filming.”

  Zoe stilled. “I don’t know if I can go back there. I can’t face them. What will happen with the show? I cheated for one of the teams. I probably ruined everything for you. The contestants will never be okay with what I did.”

  He sat up and held her, wanting to ease her anxiety. “First of all, you can’t just stop once we start. It’s unfair and cruel.” He moved his hips, thrusting into her to prove his point. She squirmed against him, instantly driving him wild. “Secondly, I’ll fix the problem. Give me a little time when I’m not otherwise occupied and I’ll think of a solution. Everyone will understand what you did and why once they learn the truth. I’ll make sure they do.”

  Zoe kissed him. “You would do that for me? You’d risk your own reputation as a producer to save mine?”

  “Of course. You’re worth any risk.” He tangled his hand into the hair at the nape of her neck, tipping her head to the side so he could nibble on the sweet skin of her neck. He loved the taste of her skin below her ear and the way licking there made her squirm in his arms. This morning was no different, only the sensation of her body moving around his while she sat on his lap was more intense than ever.

  Chip lost himself in the sounds of her breathing as it grew heavier in his ear.

  • • •

  Zoe let out a shaky breath while she waited for the production crew to finish setting up the final shot of the show. She’d changed back into her clothes from yesterday. They felt dirty next to her shower-cleaned body but she wore them anyway so they could film the rest of the finale as if they’d done it at the same time and not the following day. The contestants had also been instructed to wear the same clothes. The film from the day before was reviewed and small details were matched like Pam’s hair coming loose from its ponytail on one side and the streak of mud on Justin’s shin. Once everything looked as close to how it had yesterday as they could get it, then they would begin the last few moments of the show where she would announce the winning team.

  The only difference today was Zoe’s lack of makeup.

  Chip tried to convince her that she needed to apply it as she normally did, but she refused. The fact was the rain had washed her makeup away. But it was Chip who had made her realize she didn’t need it anymore. Alex had shared the truth about her yesterday and today she would face it head on. It would not be edited out of the final film and therefore, she would address it today without her makeup but with her dignity.

  “We’re ready for you,” Chip said coming to her side. “Are you sure you want to do this now, here?”

  She nodded once, resolute in her decision.

  “Just another example of why you’re so amazing.” Chip kissed her quickly then walked away, yelling to the cameramen to start recording.

  Zoe took her place before the teams, watching as they noticed her makeup-free appearance. To her surprise, no one cringed at her scars. Maybe she had hidden herself for no reason after all.

  “What an exciting finale we’ve had here today,” she said, clapping for the contestants. “Before we wrap this all up and I name our official winners of Wild Expedition, I’d like to address something quickly.”

  The contestants remained quiet, far more patiently than she would have been in their position. She cleared her throat and kept talking not wanting to drag this on any longer than necessary, since the sooner she was done filming, the sooner she could be with Chip without any other distraction.

  “Alex brought up that my name is not really Zoe Oliver. He’s half right. That is my legal name, but it was not the name I was born with. I was Andrea Miles until I turned fourteen and was involved in a terrible car accident. Recovering from the accident was painful, but nothing compared to the viciousness I faced when I returned to what I thought would be my new normal life. To say kids can be cruel is an understatement.

  “I was horribly scarred and eventually wanted a fresh start at life along with the fresh face I received thanks to the multiple cosmetic surgeries I needed to undergo
to minimize my scarring. So I picked a new name to go with my new face and started over.” Zoe swallowed hard. Tears threatened her eyes at the pain of revealing the truth, but she pushed through them.

  “I let people like Alex dictate how I should live my life for a long time, but thanks to this show and to Chip the producer and Alex’s revelation about my past, I can finally live my life as myself. So if you want to call me Andrea or Zoe or any other name, you can. But I will always just be me. I’m done hiding my scars and I’m done hiding from my past.”

  Zoe squared her shoulders feeling lighter and more alive than she had in years. “Now without further hoopla, let’s get to our winners. Because of Alex’s actions and his attempted blackmail, his team has been disqualified from the show. It seems Alex will now have to face his past as I’ve had to face mine.”

  Zoe nodded to Chip, signaling she was ready for the next announcement. From out of the trees walked the doctors, the team eliminated after the last challenge. Their smiles showed their happiness at being brought back onto the show, though they hadn’t been told exactly why they were there yet. That was her news to share.

  “Edward, David, Joseph, and William, you have been asked to come back to the game because the other team has been disqualified. Therefore, you are now the second place team. While it would be unfair to run the final challenge again since one team did win fair and square, we would like to reward you with a second place prize of one hundred thousand dollars.”

  The team cheered and high fived each other, apparently not caring that they didn’t get to compete in the finale since they were awarded a prize anyway.

  Zoe smiled before continuing. “That means that Rick, Pam, Todd, and Roger are the winners of a million dollars! Congratulations! You’ve proven you can survive the wilderness living on little more than the land itself and a few extras. You met each challenge with strength and determination. And you persevered through four long weeks of this to leave with a lot of extra money in your pockets, and a good amount of dirt under your fingernails.”

  Zoe turned to speak directly to the camera focused on her. “Thank you for going on this journey with us. We hope you enjoyed the ride. And if you’d like to be a contestant on the next season of Wild Expedition, send in an audition video and application to the email address listed on your screen. Good night!”

  She held still for a moment, smiling at the camera until she saw the red light flicker off then she walked over to congratulate the winning team. Pam pulled her into a hug and squealed happily in her arms. She shook hands with Todd and Roger. When she got to Rick, he threw an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.

  “I know you’re with that producer guy. I can see in your eyes when you look at him. Something changed between you two. So I ain’t gonna flirt with you this time. But if you ever get tired of that pretty boy, you come talk to me and I’ll show you how an outdoorsman does it.” He laughed and she wiggled out from beneath his arm.

  “Thanks for the standing invitation, but I don’t think I’ll be taking you up on the offer any time soon.”

  “We’ll see about that, baby.” He winked and went back to celebrating his victory with his family.

  “Zoe, I’m sorry for what I said about you,” Alex said, stopping her by putting a hand on her arm as she walked by. “I hope you’ll forgive me for airing that all on TV.”

  “What you did finally brought me out of hiding after all of these years, so for that I will always thank you. But if you don’t remove your hand from my body in a nanosecond, I’ll break your fingers. I don’t like you as a person and I never will.”

  Pulling her arm free, she strode out of the filming area and into the quiet of the surrounding forest. It was hard to believe she’d been itching to leave the entire time she’d been here, but now that the time was coming, she might actually miss the woods and the peacefulness they provided from her regular, crazy life.

  Arms wrapped around her waist and a mouth nuzzled the crook of her neck. Chip’s cologne drifted on the breeze, greeting her with a scent she hoped she’d get to smell for the rest of forever. It made her head spin and her heart flutter in her chest. His warm breath on her neck didn’t hurt either.

  “I was looking for you,” he said quietly into her ear. His voice sent heat through her body.

  “You found me,” she answered, turning in his arms to face him. She kissed his lips. “I mean it. I was lost without you in my life, but now I feel whole again.”

  “And I’ll spend the rest of forever making sure you always feel that way, if you’ll let me.”

  Zoe brushed her fingers across his cheek and down his neck, coming to rest on his chest. His heart beat beneath her hand. She took comfort in knowing that if what he said was true, then he would always have room in there for her. “Marry me?” she asked. “I can’t imagine ever going back to the way my life was without you in it.”

  She held her breath as her heart pounded in her chest. She hadn’t planned on asking him that question, it just sort of popped out of her mouth as if by its own will.

  “Did you seriously just ask me to marry you?” His tone was light and joking.

  “I think I did.” She laughed.

  “And did you buy me a ring too? Are you going to get down on one knee?”

  “No I didn’t and no I’m not.” She smacked him on the arm. “I didn’t exactly plan to ask you. It sort of came out of my mouth without me thinking.”

  “So you’ve really thought this question through. Well, that does make my decision a lot easier, knowing you took your time to consider what you wanted from me and asked your question with intent and purpose.”

  “Stop. Forget I said anything.” Embarrassment burned in her cheeks. “Can we go back a couple of seconds in time to where things were still normal between us?”

  “Nope, I’m afraid not. Nothing about us is normal and I’m totally okay with that. Yes, Zoe, I will marry you. But first you will let me buy you a ring like a proper gentleman since you took the question out of my mouth before I could ask it myself.”

  “Deal.”

  “And you will never tell anyone that you asked me.”

  She giggled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, feeling completely at home in his arms. “Absolutely. It’ll be our little secret.”

  Epilogue

  Chip glanced around the table at his friends as he held up his glass of champagne in a toast. “To us. To great friendships, to forgotten pasts, and to unforgettable futures.”

  “To us,” they said together.

  Cassidy smiled down at the baby in her arms, no doubt wondering what amazing things the future would hold for little Jeremy, and took a sip of her sparkling white grape juice. Evan had an arm draped across the back of her chair casually yet protective of his wife and six-month old son.

  Chip was happy to see they’d managed to stay together after falling in love on the show The One. So often, couples on those shows fell in love quickly while taping then fell out of love just as quickly when the cameras stopped rolling. But then nothing was typical when it came to Cassidy and Evan since only she had been a contestant on that show while he’d been her cameraman. Maybe since their love had started behind the scenes, it stood to reason that it was a different kind of love than the contestants on screen usually found.

  He hoped for their sake it was a love like his and Zoe’s — indestructible, real, forever.

  They made a great couple and he was thrilled to have played a part in Cassidy and Evan’s romance, even if it had been the part of the obnoxious producer who threatened to sue them for breaking the show’s contracts. Thank God he’d never gone through with the threat.

  Zoe laughed out loud at something Miles said and smacked him on the shoulder. Chip chuckled, happy to see he wasn’t the only one who got that treatment from her. Paige sat perched in Miles’s lap
, one arm around his shoulders, the other on his knee. They were every bit the lovesick newlyweds he hoped to be with Zoe in a few months after their winter wedding in Oahu.

  “I can’t believe you actually convinced my sister to marry you. I didn’t think anyone would be able to tame her,” Miles said. Zoe balled her hand into a fist as if she meant to punch him this time instead of a playful smack.

  “Watch it, brother,” she threatened. “I’m not afraid to kick your ass in front of Paige if I have to, thereby ruining your macho image for all eternity.”

  “I’d like to see you try,” Miles taunted back.

  “Now, now. Let’s not go and piss off my beautiful bride before she actually goes through with marrying me. I don’t know how I convinced her to do it either, so let’s not draw too much attention to it, okay?” He winked at her knowing their proposal secret was still safely hidden between them.

  “So the famous Chip Cormack is actually going to take enough time out of the reality TV market to get married and have a honeymoon? I’m truly amazed,” Evan said, shaking his head. Evan and Chip had worked together for a long time and it had been even longer since Chip had taken a break from production.

  “I think it’s long overdue, don’t you?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Any plans for future shows already or are you waiting until after the honeymoon to dive back in?” Cassidy asked.

  “Nothing planned yet, but I’m always open to new ideas. For now I thought I’d get married to the most amazing woman before she realizes I’m not as awesome as she believes I am, then take the rest of the winter off to honeymoon and relax. After that, I’ll figure it out with the studio. I’m sure they’ll have something in the works for me by then.”

  “I’m so happy you can all come to Oahu for the wedding. I wish you could stay a little longer than the week to hang out with us,” Zoe said, glancing around the table at her friends.